We are well aware that it is not okay to make fun of the death of someone, and neither it is okay to laugh at the way that person died; no matter how ridiculous it may be. However, I am only human thus I have no moral judgment and wasn’t able to help myself from writing this post. These dead are a blend of less intelligent people (I didn’t use the term stupid because we shouldn’t talk ill of the dead) whom I wonder how they made it so far in life, and some people with just SHITTY luck (you will understand why the word shitty is capitalized upon reading number 2 below)
10 ─ Just Hang in There
This is the story of a guy with a “Do it yourself attitude” who hoped he could ease his wife’s neck pain (we are not talking about a regular massage). Instead of taking his beloved to a doctor or a chiropractor he decided he was going to stretch her neck himself. One would believe he would do it by hand, but NO, being the handy man he is he decided to build a device with wood and rope to achieve this delicate task. Being gallant, he tested the device on himself before applying it on his wife. And the result is as you guessed; he hanged himself.
9 ─ Hats Off
There aren’t many roller coaster accidents, and there are even less roller coaster accidents with people being outside of the wagon. This is the story of a guy who dropped his hat (and apparently his common sense) when riding a roller coaster. This hat being so precious to him he decided to get it back. He ventured beneath the roller coaster and ignored all the “restricted area” signs. He climbed two fences, got his hat, but a passenger’s foot kicked his neck and sent him to an eternal sleep. This passenger broke her leg, lost her shoe and is suing for damages.
8 ─ Shove it up your Ass
This is a classic love story, one might say cliché; they met, they kissed, they fell in love, they got married, she killed him with a vibrator up his ass… wait… WHAT?! Believe your eyes fellow readers, this man was killed by his wife during a – what can only be described as – spicy night of sex, when she pushed to the end a 30 cm long vibrator up her husband’s ass. The device ruptured several organs and caused severe bleeding resulting in the death of the victim. I would like to take a moment to thank all porn stars who are risking their lives out there everyday for the entertainment of the masses.
P.S. I am never taking a suppository ever again!
7 ─ The Real 3D
If you are familiar with the song “It’s Raining Men”, then you must know the other hit “It’s Raining Furniture”. Three people were killed by two kids while walking past a New York apartment building. The seven year old boy and his younger sister were left unattended in a hotel room on the 27th floor as their parents went to the gaming room and gambled with the lives of the pedestrians as well. Bored to death, the kids thought it would be fun to try squishing the “ant looking things on the footpath below”. They started by throwing fruit, and then quickly graduated to chairs and even televisions.
6 ─ The Backup Bullet
Two friends were out at night frog fishing and were coming home when a fuse of their headlights got damaged. Not having a spare at hand, one of the two men suggested to replace the electric device with bullet of a 22 caliber gun, since both items have about the same size. The substitute device was working fine until 30 km further where the bullet overheated and exploded and lodged itself in the right testicle of the driver who drove the car into a tree causing his death and the death of the other passenger. When the police notified the wife of the driver, she asked how many frogs did the two men catch and if someone thought of retrieving them from the car. I would like to publish a thought to both men since their wives didn’t.
5 ─ Employee of the Decade
You haven’t heard of true devotion until you read this story. If you are looking for loyalty and enthusiasm this guy is the perfect example. I am sure you are imagining the guy to be a soldier or a firefighter, for him to lose his life on the job. Well, no. This guy is a glass window salesman. In order to conclude a sale, he wanted to prove for his clients that the glass he is selling can sustain any force, so he ran towards the window and jumped on it, shoulder first. The outcome wasn’t at all what he expected as the glass shattered and he found himself out of the window and racing towards the pavement. Needless to say that he wasn’t on ground floor, he was on the 21st story. The guy had literally 21 flights to think: ‘Oh well, it seems I was selling shit’.
4 ─ A Hamster is a Pain in the Ass
This particular accident does not fit this post exactly since none of the people taking part of it is dead. However, as you will read along you will come to the realization that we couldn’t have left them out of this ranking and due to the IQ level we think they have, we are positive their next big thing will land on this list truthfully. It is the story of a gay couple which wanted to spice up their romantic life by inserting in the anus of one of them a tube and slide the hamster in it. Once the pesky rodent was in, he refused to go out, so the brains behind the whole situation decided to turn on his lighter and lure the hamster with the light. The fire ignited an air pocket in the intestine of the tubed up man shooting the hamster out of the tube like a cannon and causing second degree burns to the face of the mastermind and first and second degree burns to the intestine of the human cannon. Let us just say that none of them will be coming out of the closet anytime soon. I would like to specify that after some intensive care, the hamster is still alive and doing well.
3 ─ Modern Russian Roulette
If you aren’t familiar with the game “Russian roulette”, here is how it goes: you place a single bullet in the barrel of a revolver, you spin the barrel, aim the gun to your head and shoot. There is one in six chances on you killing yourself. We all agree it is a stupid game to begin with and all the players of this game should land on this list. However our young fella didn’t have a revolver with him, so instead he decided to play the game by loading not one, but four bullets in his automatic gun. So this guy’s only chance of survival was if the gun jammed which only happens once every 1 000 000 times. Talk about self confidence.
2 ─ A Shitty Death
If you are eating, I suggest you skip this one. This is the story of a zookeeper who attended an elephant with digestive problems. The huge mammal was hurting so bad the zookeeper decided to give him some laxatives; he gave him a pretty large amount at that matter. After treating the beast, he wanted to leave and he chose the path behind the elephant. As he passed by the anus of the animal, the elephant let out a whirlwind of infectious gases causing the helpless man to fade under the ass of the mammal. Later on, these laxatives accomplished their job and the beast let out an astonishing 120 kilos of fecal matter on the poor man, burying him and causing his death.
1 ─ Fetch
This is the story of a guy who wanted to go fishing on a frozen lake. Life not being a cartoon, one cannot make a perfect circle in the ice with a chainsaw. So this fisherman opted for a dynamite stick. He took that stick and threw it as far as he could. At this point maybe we would all have done the same thing – I know what you are all thinking but trust me, it’s unpredictable. This is where we introduce to you a new character in our story: his dog Kiki. As soon as the man threw out the dynamite, the animal thought his master was playing with him “fetch” and ran out as fast as he can to retrieve the lost stick. Can you imagine what was going through the man’s mind when he saw his dog running towards him with pride and a lit flame in his mouth? This man actually saw his death coming to him while waving its tail. No need to tell you the rest of the story, you can imagine it was pretty graphic. So unless you want to catch a catfish, don’t take the risk of bringing a dog along when you go fishing.