People stop thinking and the ship starts sinking…

Posts tagged ‘Lebanese’

Have You Noticed How Big It Is?

If you understood the title in a sexual way then you have a dirty mind. In our everyday life there are certain things which grow, or are originally big without us noticing it. They are of a mediocre importance, but once their size is noticed, it is practically impossible to ignore them.

The first example that comes to my mind as an originally large item is the driver’s license. To be honest, as I passed the test and the license was handed to me I thought it was kind of a diploma that came along, to hang on the dining room wall or something.  But the regular size card I was expecting never came, leaving me with this poster and a wallet which seemed narrower than ever.

In order not to jump from one subject to another, I will talk about another item which fits the theme. Who of us hasn’t struggled to fit the LL100,000 paper in our wallet? Who of us hasn’t suffered the curse of having the top of our LL50,000 wrinkled? Why does it have to be that big? Do we have so many trees that we don’t know how to get rid of them?

Recently it has been pointed out to me that the lasting hours of a miscellaneous deodorant seem to grow excessively. They say that it can last for 72 hours, but I don’t know a single person that can go 3 days without showering. Why don’t they make it last 36 hours or 24 hours and make it cheaper? It will be a winning situation for both parties. I foresee a future where this conversation may actually take place:

Mom: Elie !! resh deodorant !! sorna bi kanoun !!!
Elie: bass Mom, rechet bil sayfiye! Ma ba2a me7erze…

(P.S. this paragraph is to remind some people of this marvelous creation called deodorant; for in this hot summer I am seriously doubting the fact that everybody knows about this tremendous breakthrough)

Another growth pattern that is being ignored is the number of singers present on the Lebanese scene. But these increasing numbers create a fierce competition where the voice of the contestant is a major detail.

If you are a woman, you need to have a beautiful body and absolutely no self-dignity (the second one is a must in order to make it in the business). They are ready to suck on every producer’s “microphone” if he can get them on stage.
If you are a man, all you need is a good publicist and a catchy name, such as Amir, or Wael, …

In conclusion, we are living in a small country where the only thing bigger than the items I have stated is the lies we are being fed on a daily basis.


Blend of trends : traffic and shit

What impresses me most about us, Lebanese people is our ability to adapt and cope with all of the events happening around us. In the U.S., people are bound by strict rules and regulations in order to insure and to preserve the rights and freedom of every citizen and yet their crime rates are through the roof. However in Lebanon, despite the lack of authority we somehow manage to live as a community.

It reminds me a bit of a savanna; the lion (the government) is the king and rules all, despite the fact he didn’t do shit to earn this title and all the other animals can do just fine without him. And we, the common Lebanese people are the other animals, a bunch of untamed animals living in “HARMony”. We can truly talk about the survival of the fittest.

The first example which comes to my mind when I say that we can adapt to anything is: giving directions. Despite the existence of the GPS it remains unused in our beloved country and people have a very unique way of giving directions. For instance I do not say that I live in: Ashrafieh, Rue Du Liban, Najat building, because even if I say this to my sister she won’t know where it is. The way we do it in Lebanon is simple: “wa2ta toussal 3al rond point 5od el mafra2 3al yamin 7ad el chajra el kbire (note: there will be 12 trees there) dallak mkammal de8re la 7ad ma toussal 3a dekkeneh, honik bte5od el chmeil w bet fout bel mafra2 7ad telit joura, bineyit shamatly aw el bineye yalle 3ayich fiya el colonel saadeh, kellon bya3rfou.”

When the elections are near, and the government wants to prove that it exists and tries to restrain us and make us follow some rules, they deploy some police officers on the streets to ATTEMPT and control traffic. They will be deployed on intersections telling us to stop when the light is green and to go when the light is red, leaving us in a state of total confusion. They will be deployed on highways telling us to go forward considering the fact that there are no exits whatsoever making the job of the police officer a true brain teaser. At this point in time, we get the chance to use the sentence that every Lebanese will say in his life: “AAAHHH fi bolice !!! michen heik fi 3aj2a !!”

P.S: Even without any cops there will be traffic jams because the streets are fucked up.

But the lack of rules has gone too far and it made way for some “rebellions” to occur. Such as: burning tires, which is the newest trend that is taking place in the Lebanese streets and it is the people’s (in this case I refer to my previous comparison of animals) way to stick it to the government. This habit is discussed in a previous post on this very blog

The real deal of Myriam Klink

Lately there has been a media frenzy about a certain “singer” called Myriam Klink. I am not here to talk about her war with standup comic Nemr Abou Nassar, nor to criticize her sad excuse for a song (I am sorry, this insult slipped out and I couldn’t help myself). What I am here to do, is to tell you a few facts about this young Lebanese gem, and probably some stuff you didn’t even know about her.

That being said, I googled her and her official site is what came up on top: the falling stars reminded me at first of the game Space Invaders, so did the numerous words channeling on the left hand side. The sheer beauty of this site is that it rests your eyes and doesn’t make you tense, AT ALL! Based on the saying “one should not judge a book by its cover” I started reading her bio.
“Myriam Klink is a Lebanese girl from the mountains raised between animals and natures”… I am no English teacher nor am I an accomplished writer, but I really think someone should let her know that Google translate is NOT a good way to go for writing a bio therefore she cannot be taken seriously.

If you have a look at the column on your right hand side; the “all about Myriam“ section, you will notice that this is a really down to earth person and she does not like to talk about herself that much; everyone of us’ favorite person in our life is ourselves, that is just common, Our parents, our great role models who are they to be an inspiration to us? As I scrolled down, more narcissistic comments jumped off the page but I’m not going to comment on all of them since my goal isn’t writing a 200 pages novel.

However a few of her answers in this “interview” (where she clearly played the role of the interrogator as well) cannot go unnoticed. Her answer to the question: where are you right now? Is “on my bed”, the following question is: where would you rather be? Her answer is “hell”. That is understandable since her bed brings out SO many hurtful memories (if you know what I mean). Her favorite movie is “planet of the apes” which is also reasonable since she did NOT follow the evolution and might have missed something somewhere. Her dream job is to be a princess. No further comments, I rest my case.

You can say that Myriam Klink is just a lost sheep in this herd of so called artists, and question why she got that much attention. There is a simple answer to that; her lack of grace and her abusive language made her the star she is today. No “celebrity” should be allowed to talk to the common people that way, to insult personally some of her tweeps or Facebook likers. This is a true outrage. She stated numerously and so bluntly that men are cheating pigs, however in her bio she admitted that she has cheated while in a relationship. She should just shut her mouth, and stop infuriating the people.

To put it in a nutshell, some persons are still alive because it is illegal to shoot them.